WHY I STOPPED WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY

People are disturbed, not by things (that happen to them) but by the principles and opinions which they form concerning (those) things. When we are hindered, or disturbed, or grieved, let us never attribute it to others but to ourselves; that is, to our own principles and opinions” – Epictetus

SEXUALITY CONTROL: PORNOGRAPHY 

Welcome to the wonderful world of the 8th house. Where sex and death meet to reveal the hidden truths about real power. Where nothing is taboo, because  taboo is accepted. Where the transformation of the individual occurs through death, rebirth and reproduction. Today I am embracing my 8th house energies.

8th

In a proverbial way, I’m gonna take all my clothes off. 

I remember being thirteen and witnessing my first porn video from one of my best BFF friends from back in the day. It sparked my curiosity, and it was the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. It was during my teen years that I had the most addictive relationship with porn. The internet was just becoming popular – dial up AOL, was the new thing and it was fun for me to explore the dark world of sex online. I had a very strong presence in my church and had inherited a strict belief system around good and bad sexuality. Because of this, I remember feeling very shameful about my pornography addiction. I’d sit in church with burning eyes of tears, asking God to forgive me. After steady use through college and out, I had ridden myself of shameful religious feelings, and had considered that porn could be a healthy part of my life. However, my experience with it only created newer, difficult obstacles as I entered into a long-term relationship. Stronger insecurities came up to the surface. I felt at war with the women in the videos. I wanted to be like them, or better than them. Fantasies became darker and more hateful.

pornaddicition

It was the seed of awareness that gave me my freedom. The seed of awareness came when I addressed my sexual trauma from my early childhood. I had experienced a sexual traumatic act at an early age and had suppressed the secret for most of my life. In recent years, I made a clear decision to tell the truth after holding onto it for so long.  Once I had taken some very bold actions to bring my secret back to the surface and upon the ears that needed to hear, I developed a relationship with myself that felt stronger. It was this seed planted within me that grew a force of energy I’d never felt before. I felt I could be free to choose who I wanted to be and that I could demand it to be so.

After this moment, I began to recognize how pornography was controlling my sexuality. For a very long time, porn dictated to me what a beautiful woman should look like. Porn was telling me what sounds and noises to make in the bed. Porn was the only way to masturbate. I started to recognize that the categories that I was attracted to were directly related to the traumatic sexual act that I had experienced as a little girl. The kind of porn that I was watching was putting me in a dominant role against what in my fantasies was my oppressor. My personal practices had gone too far, and I could not find a healthy way to continue. This is the truth. This is my truth.

I am not an individual that likes to be controlled. And pornography was not only controlling my sex life but my entire life. The energy that I put into pornography was feeding my insecurity steadily. The moment that I had the freedom to choose the world I wanted to live in and the person that I wanted to be, I began to see the importance of pornography in my life; that there was little to none.

The pornography industry is a recognizable billion-dollar empire. A controlled machine that pumps out content for profit. The niche is Fantasy. And it trickles over into the streams of commercial TV, celebrities, pop culture and your bedroom.

pornaddiction I had often felt forced to play the roles of a fantastical porn star. I would dress up in tights and scratchy laced lingerie. I am certain of many females feel they have to fill the role of every porn category or fantasy for their partners. And quite often, they can ignore their own pleasures. The line from reality to fantasy is an easy crossover. Then we kind of stay there in the fantasy and forget about the reality.

sexyhalloweencostume
This is not a porn image, but a sexy Halloween Costume. Porn is everywhere.

Body parts glorified, accessories a must, and you better like it or else. What have we become?

Because we are devoted to the fantasy, we seem to perpetuate a lack of intimacy during an intimate act. The preservation of sacred masculine and feminine sexuality is unknown, so its irrelevant. We are dictated to and then follow suit without question. We are sold sexual freedom.

“Why there’s thousands of categories to choose from! And its an outlet for sexual expression!” – pro porno watcher

For my rebuttal, I’d like to make a metaphor. Stay with me here…

I don’t see the freedom. After a while the outlet becomes stale. Its kind of like going to the grocery store and continuously buying cereal.Yes, there are tons of cereal brands to choose from. But at the end of the day… You’re just having milk and cereal! There has to be more to it than this. I mean…What else is in the rest of the damn grocery store?!!

cereal-aisle

Where exactly is the sexual freedom?!

It’s revolution time. I want change. I believe that many other women do too. Not all categories, but there is a common denominator of misogyny in a lot of pornography. There’s a lot of glorification of disrespect and violence against women. And if you wanna get a little dirty…How much do we even respect the female orgasm? Most people, men and women, are not educated on the female orgasm. However, The male orgasm is guaranteed(!) in every pornography video.

I want to challenge the accepted norms. For instance, there is not a common practice to ensure that the actors behind the camera are willingly participating. We can easily disconnect from our feelings about ethical porn. And it can become a question of character. When one is known to be a porn watcher, and does not take the time to know if their porn is ethical. To overlook such things, can reflect strongly on your morality.  We can also tend to justify it despite the effect it may have on others. Very often, and in my experience, people will defend porn at the sake of their partners and families. This is why I want to challenge myself to stop watching porn. I want to press the reset button.

There are a lot of topics on discovering sexuality and other outlets of expression. Some of my favorites are learning about the Kundalini, Tantric sex, and the Sacred Feminine and Masculine principles. I will leave some links below for further reading. As well as some reading on How to know if you’re porn is ethical; for interested readers. I’d like to conclude with spiritual advisor Teal Swan, who recently posted a powerful video on ‘How to Overcome Sexual Addiction’. For any who dare, just may want to click play below. If not, you can continue  by passing over … and examine as I use some of Teal’s quotes to further breakdown my porn addiction.

Pornography is the portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual arousal. Porn is a multi billion dollar industry. It must be understood that seeking out pleasure is not wrong so it is useless to discuss the rightness or wrongness of porn. We must instead develop perspective about porn. In this episode, Teal discusses Pornography in depth and then offers tips for how people can overcome porn addiction.

TEAL SWAN : How to Overcome porn Addiction

“We objectify both men and women in porn when watching the screen.” – Teal Swan

 I hated walking down the street and being objectified by the men in my neighborhood. And yet, when I was in the privacy of my own home, there I was supporting the very same practice of objectifying women. I could no longer be mad at those who objectify me, if I would not change first within my own practices.

“Ask yourself, How would i feel if my son or daughter was being viewed in the same way that I am viewing this person on the screen?” – Teal Swan The fact is that when I consider this, I don’t want to. Why? Because I know that I would not want my son or daughter to be these people on the screen, and if they did, then I would be responsible for some sort of trauma in their childhood.

“You cannot objectify something without simultaneously yourself being objectified.” – Teal Swan I wasn’t embracing who I was. I was trying to be like someone else. Like all of those women who have posed with their ass to the camera. I wanted to be hot like them.

“Many of them (porn acts) involve domination and submission power dynamics.” – Teal Swan I used to think that sex is a game of domination and power. It seems to work in the bedroom because there is a part of us deep down that uses sex to play out these dominated or submissive positions that we fantasize towards. The true power of sex (recognized in astrology as 8th house energy) comes in this form, in understanding that sex is alchemy, sex is manifestation and sex is more than just physical.

Most of these porn acts, are unpleasureable to do with your partner, especially emotionally. – Teal Swan As a person who desires to experience real pleasure, putting myself in some these positions, I often felt ‘used’. I believe the ‘used’ feeling was because of attempting something that does not meet my emotional needs, which is an essential part to sex. With all this in mind, I would have to disconnect  to keep watching porn. Having to make that choice to disconnect, is at the core of how harmful it can be to the psyche and your intimate relationship.

It can become a subconscious practice to disconnect while being aroused. Leading to the tendency to be disconnected when intimate with another person. I’ve mistaken pornography for sexual freedom. I don’t see it that way anymore. It is easy to fall into clouds in the destination to freedom. The deceiving messages are everywhere. The best thing we can do is be honest with ourselves and take responsibility when we have the right knowledge.

Blessings,

Below is some further reading…

ETHICAL PORNOGRAPHY :

 http://www.theguardian.com/culture/2014/nov/01/ethical-porn-fair-trade-sex

http://mic.com/articles/40603/5-ways-to-make-sure-that-your-porn-is-ethically-feminist

INFO on THE KUNDALINI :

 http://www.rudraksha-ratna.com/kundalini-awakening-articles-on-kundalini-awakening-information-on-kundalini-awakening_107.html5

THE PRICE OF PLEASURE:

http://thepriceofpleasure.com/clips_trailer.html

BASIC FACTS:

pornaddiction3

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One thought on “WHY I STOPPED WATCHING PORNOGRAPHY

  1. Kudos to you for your website and your honesty and doing what all of us who know that we are really spirit-beings 🙂 May God / the Universe continue to bless you with many (more) synchronicities on your journey… Byw I no longer participate in any organized, mainstream religion / church, temple, mosque or synagogue, but I do want to share this with you from someone I came across, online (who is a fundamentalist or born again christian) as I found it to be an eye-opener in my journey… my understanding of the truth behind the illusions of pornography 🙂 https://www.shelleylubben.com/products/books/truth-behind-fantasy-porn-e-book ~ Consider this: Folks who go to see horror movies (not me)… when they watch such as “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” are of course not actually seeing anyone be cut up / tortured / killed by a chainsaw BUT people who watch pornography are seeing ACTUAL sexual acts… degrading… abusive… painful and unhealthy (hey, the “actors” often don’t even wear condoms)… and often the women are forced to “perform” and threatened or beaten if they do not.

    (Ironically one of the first people to alert me to some of the tools of the powers-that-were to degrade us and attempt to keep us squashed into old paradigm polarities of racial and gender hate / violence was a former co-worker who is a fundamentalist who believes in the Bible’s teachings such as the “Garden of Eden” story which slanders women ~ which my research… and heart… tell me is are LIES / falsifications. My belief: Jesus was UNIVERSAL / How could a possibly all-knowing, all-powerful, present-everywhere spirit-being be a “god of vengeance,” violence or punishment??…)

    Like

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